Paying for Regrets
by ExoticDarkOne
Summary: When she left I thought I would never see her again. But I should have known better. The Maker favored her, after all. It just took him a little time to have me pay for my regrets to her.
1. Chapter 1

**Sup? This is something I came up with the first time I played through Dragon Age: Origins. I hope you like it.**

As I spoke, I watched her face. Her face spoke volumes more than her tongue did. At first she was happy to see me, and paid rapt attention to me. That's what had sunk me, from the moment I had met her, so long ago. That she cared enough to actually listen.

It dawned on her. I could see the change. From happiness, to confusion, to realization, to outright horror. When I finished speaking, she was still. Still as the stone under my feet. Again, I realize that she is something beyond my comprehension. An elf, and a Daelish at that, and I cursed myself again for forgetting how dangerous that round face could be. How those pouting lips could turn into a snarl vicious enough to frighten wild animals away.

She was still and quiet for so long that several of the people in the room turned to see what was the matter. Alyssa was always bubbling with energy, but when she was still she was deep in concentration. I wished I hadn't done this in front of our friends. That makes it all the worse for her.

Finally, she unfroze. But she was different. Her face was blank, devoid of emotion, even the little crease in her cheek that folded when she was annoyed was hidden away.

"I see." She stated blandly. "As you command, your majesty."

She walked past me without the gentle caress she usually gave me. I turned, starting to say something, but there was no one in the hall. She was already gone.

I didn't see her again until Redcliff. She marched with the men, commanded our companions, and made herself known to everyone in the army but me. She had stood patiently during my speech, but I did not get to speak with her privately. No matter how hard I searched she was never within reach.

It was like that all the way up to Denerim. When she picked Sten, Zevran, and her warhound Kane to go with her to fight the Archdemon, I thought she was getting back at me.

When I confronted her about it, she simply said, "You're the king now. Your duty is to your people."

I was frozen, unable to even speak as she walked away with her chosen few. I could not stop her, not after using those exact words to tell her why we couldn't be together. Why I had to break her heart, to turn her away without sympathy.

I threw myself into the battles to come. Darkspawn fell at my blade's command. Blood and gore littered the streets, making the cobblestones slick. An eternity of chaos reigned, until suddenly the air grew still. I looked up to the top of Fort Drakon, her name on my lips, when the sky was lit with a beacon that could be seen for miles.

An explosion rocked the battlefield, and the Darkspawn fled. Arrows felled many, but they disappeared into the dark. They knew their Archdemon was gone. But what about the Grey Warden who had killed it?

I need not have worried. Alyssa emerged from Fort Drakon supporting Zevran over her shoulders. He had a terrible hole in his left side, and blood was pouring out. I called for a medic. Even though Alyssa had chosen me, Zevran was still very close to her, and I knew how much he meant to her since Tamlen's death. Her eyes were feverishly wild, like she was about to turn into an animal at any moment.

The healer got to Zevran, and though he wasn't completely healed, he was able to stand on his own again. Alyssa nodded without really looking at me.

Back at the castle, Anora mentioned I might go clean my face before I addressed the people. I found a mirror, and found a bloody handprint on my cheek. Tiny and delicate, it could only have belonged to one person. Alyssa's goodbye; a final caress that I didn't even know about. A pox on elven speed.

The ceremonies were a blur, and Alyssa was nowhere for me to find, although I encountered many people who had just been talking to her. It wasn't long before she set out, Zevran and Kane by her side.

I thought I would never see her again.

I regretted what I had done, and I knew it would haunt me. I just didn't realize I'd be paying for my regrets in the flesh.


	2. Chapter 2

**Straight to it.**

I was sitting in my favorite chair, reading a book, turning my worry amulet in my hand. My mind was wandering. I couldn't help it. For the last eleven years I've been constantly wondering about the what if's. For eleven years I was married to a woman I didn't love. For eleven years my heart ached as some tiny detail reminded me of what I had pushed away to be where I am now. I don't know what I wouldn't trade to just hold her one more time.

My depressing musings were interrupted by a knock at the door. At my call, one of my gate guards came in. This was a surprise.

"Sire, I apologize for the intrusion, but I have a boy outside who wishes an audience with you. I turned him away, and when he walked away from me I saw his shield."

"What importance does this have?" I really couldn't answer the whims of every boy in Ferelden.

"Well, sire, his shield bears the Grey Warden crest on it. I thought I should bring the news to you."

That was odd. A boy carrying a shield with the Grey Warden's crest on it? How did he get it?

"If he's still outside, bring him here."

A few minutes later, the door opened again and a boy strode in. An elf as well; his pointed hears poked out of the scruff of dark blond hair. He wore splintmail, and bore a longsword and shield on his basck. The boy also had a tattoo across his face, and something about it was vaguely familiar. He also had a large, purebred Mabari hound with him, but it was little more than a year old.

"Well, what were you wanting?"

"I just wanted to talk, your majesty. If you don't mind that is. My mother talks of you so often, I came to speak to you myself. I hope I'm not bothering you."

"No you aren't bothering me. Have a seat." I reply. The boy did, and Alistair couldn't shake the feeling that the boy was odd. The small blush on his face wasn't helping to assuage the feeling either. His accent was also thick, and I wonder where I have heard it before. Something was off here. The Mabari wagged his nub of a tail and sat down next to his young master.

"Why don't you start with the basics? Where are you from?" I ask, digging a little.

"Antiva. My father works for the Crows on occasion and my mother breeds warhounds. We live in a small community away from the big cities."

"We?" I prompt.

"Oh, me, my mother, my father, and my younger sister. Ferelden is as cold as mother said it was. I am glad I took her advice and brought my thick clothes and blankets."

"Yes, I hear Antiva is a warm country. What has your mother been telling you about me that made you want to come speak with me?"

"Oh, she accounts your rise to the throne and how you helped to stop the Blight. It is one of my parents' favorite bedtime stories. My little sister is always fascinated by the tale of the corrupted dragon and the Grey Wardens. She says she is going to grow up and become a Grey Warden too. My mother is not happy about that, and she always looks to my father when my sister speaks of it."

"Your mother is right to be worried. Becoming a Grey Warden is a death sentence."

"Oh, I know. What with the Darkspawn and then the taint killing you after thirty years, it is a sad life. Not a lot of happiness."

"Where did you learn that about the Grey Wardens? That information is not given out to everybody." I ask. I suddenly have the feeling that I know the boy. He is so familiar that I am sure I have seen him on several occasions.

"My mother told me." He said, shifting slightly.

"Did your mother also give you that shield?"

"Yes."

"Where did she get it?"

"A Grey Warden gave it to her."

Something in me clicked, and my heart nearly stopped. That wasn't just any shield. That was Duncan's shield.

"How old are you?" I ask in a whisper.

"Ten. Almost eleven." Was his answer.

"Boy, what's your name?"

"Duncan."

Realization hit me like an ogre. The shield, the tattoo, the familiarity. The tattoo was the same that Tamlen had. He had Duncan's shield and his name. He was so familiar because he looked exactly like I did. Like his…

"By the Maker. You're Alyssa's son. You're- You're _mine._"


	3. Chapter 3

**Well, someone likes my story. You know who you are. Here's a chapter just for you. Hope you like it.**

I stare at him. Duncan blushes up to his hairline and squirms in the chair. I don't believe this. This cannot be happening.

"I didn't want to tell you. I just wanted to see you. Honest! Mother never hid that father wasn't my father. But I didn't understand until my sister was born. She was so different from me. I just wanted to see you once and go home!" the boy said, and Alistair saw him on the verge of tears.

"My…son…" I whisper. I am in shock. There was no way. Grey Wardens couldn't have children. It took Anora four years before my seed didn't kill the child. That was only one Grey Warden parent. It was physically impossible for two Grey Wardens to have children. Or at least it was supposed to be like that…

Then I realized Duncan was in danger. I get up and slam the door, shut the window, and draw the curtains. Using the fire I lit candles. I see that Duncan is uneasy about this, but he calms when I sit back down.

"Duncan, you are in danger. You should not have come on your own. You could've been killed. You could still be killed. By the Maker, your mother will have my head!"

"I know how to fight! And it's not like Darkspawn are running around on every street, I was fine coming here alone!" Duncan huffed. "And as for mother having your head she won't be coming. She can't. Not right now at least."

"Duncan, I'm not talking about the dangers of the road. If anyone here finds out you're my son, the Queen will have you killed."

"The Queen? Is this what mother calls politics? I always thought she was cursing."

I laugh. I can't help it. "Yes, boy, this is politics, and yes, your mother was cursing, although it is not a curse. Your mother despises politics. She says there are too many people who smile when it comes to politics. I guess that's why she was so fond of Sten."

I ponder that. It would explain her relationship with the Qunari giant. I had often watched them sit by the fire late at night, murmuring amongst themselves as they polished blades or armor. Sten never smiled, and if he was going to kill you he would gladly let you know first. Around here I check my food and drink for poison with all the people smiling at me.

"Sten? I remember him a little. We stayed with the Qunari for a few years. Sten gave me my first blade."

Duncan draws out a small dagger in a leather sheathe and shows me the blade.

"He even showed me how to sharpen it and everything. I miss him. He used to let me ride on his shoulders, when I was little."

"Now that I have to see." I say with a smile. I got serious again. "Look, Duncan, you cannot tell anyone who you are. I don't want you going off anywhere alone in the city either. I'll have a room prepared for you, and you will stay here until I can get you safe passage home to Antiva, alright? Do you understand?"

Duncan looks right at me for the first time, and my heart breaks. He has Alyssa's eyes. Same shape and color, and seemed to hold endless fathoms of knowledge beyond his years. Her eyes, set in my face. Maker how could this have happened?

"I understand, your majesty. I won't tell anyone."

"You can call me Alistair if you wish."

He nods. I call in a guard and have the him escort Duncan to a room down the hall from my and Anora's bedchamber. The Mabari barked loudly, and I just knew he was going to crawl in the bed with his master. Just like Kane did with Alyssa. The maids won't be happy, but they'll deal with it.

I close the door back and sit down in my chair again. It feels as if a giant rock has been thrust upon my shoulders. I put my face in my hands. Alyssa.

How could she not tell me? How could she not come back after finding out she carried him? I hadn't married Anora until winter. Alyssa had plenty of time to realize that she was with child, and that she could've come back to me. But she had chosen not to. I wonder why.

I guess I'll never know. Duncan said she wouldn't be coming. Was she sick? Was she working other than breeding hounds? No matter what was keeping her away, I know if I keep Duncan here long she'll be calling for blood. My blood. I've seen her angry, and I've seen her furious. She's been angry at me before. But she has only ever flown into a rage one time, at Arl Howe so long ago.

Ever since then I have never wished her wrath to look upon me. She was ferocious and merciless to enemies on the battlefield, but her tongue is sharper than her sword. She has cut men down to nothing with her words.

"_You're the king now. Your duty is to your people."_

Those words still haunt me. What is worse is they were the truth. For some reason, the truth always hurt more.

"Alyssa." I sigh. "Why?"

I cry into my hands.

Two days later I was taking up complaints in the Great Hall. Anora was feeling a little sick so instead of cancelling the meeting with the people, I took her place to see to the problems. Duncan was in the garden, playing with my two daughters Marian and Gwenneth under the watchful eyes of a few trusted guards.

I have the feeling Anora knows about him, but she also knows who his mother is and bites her tongue, though she is loath to do so. I'm not sure how I feel about her knowing I had been with Alyssa, but it's not exactly like it was a secret. Everyone in camp was always poking fun. Especially Oghren. Oghren had a lot of fun. Alyssa seemed immune, but I would blush up to my hairline.

The line progressed. I helped as much as I could, and told members of more difficult arguments to come back in a few days so that I could consult Anora.

Someone in the line catches my eye. She has the look of a rouge, with light armor and a pair of daggers tucked into her belt. Her armor is flat black, and her cloak is black as well. She had the hood up, and I could not see her face. Judging from her choice of color, I would be willing to bet she was an assassin as well.

I scan the room for a moment. It's not the assassin you can see that you have to worry about. After a few moments, I find nothing out of place and continue addressing concerns of the people. Finally, the assassin is at the head of the line.

"How may I help you today?" I ask. Something about the way she moved made me think she was sick.

"Please, ser. My brother's son has gone missing and I think he may have snuck into the castle. He won't steal anything I promise, but I'm worried about him. Can you help me find him?"

Her voice was thick with Antivan accent, but I recognize the lilt. My guard, however, does not.

"Bow before the king and address him as majesty you filthy Antivan whore!"

He raised his hand to slap her. It did not land. The woman caught his wrist with ease, stopping the blow. My guard tried to pull away, but he could not break her grasp. She closed her hand, breaking his wrist.

He cried out in pain and she threw him to the floor. The rest of my guards converged on her, weapons bristling.

"Enough." I call, standing and walking down the steps of the dias and passing through my guards.

"Majesty, don't go near her!" they warned.

"You will put your weapons away and return to your posts. Lift him up."

My wounded guard stood and leaned on a comrade, cradling his broken wrist. "Serve you right. I will inform you that my friend here is not from Ferelden, and that although I may be king, she does not bow to anyone. Also, I was not majesty when she first met me, so I am not majesty to her now. And as for such language and the attempt to hit a diplomat of Ferelden, you will receive twenty lashes once your wrist is healed."

"Majesty, who is this that you place lashes on a man that did no wrong?"

I look at her, and without me having to say anything, she tosses back her hood. People gasp.

"The Hero of Ferelden!"

The room exploded in activity, but I do not hear or see any of it. I drink in her appearance. Her hair is still the lustrous dark brown, her eyes still danced like green fire, and the tattoo tracing from the bridge of her nose up her forehead still caught my eye as I traced the delicate curves.

I see bags under her eyes, and she is very pale. She may still be able to fight off my blundering men, but she wasn't faring well.

"The trip was hard on you, Alyssa? Come, we'll get you some food and a place to sit and you can rest." I say, reaching out to her. She flinches away. I put my hand at my side.

"Is he safe?" she asks. I realize the Antivan accent is not fake. She's probably been speaking the Antivan language for the last eleven years.

"He is in the garden playing with my two daughters. He is fine. But first you need to recover from the trip. Come on."

I lead her out of the Great Hall and into the kitchen, giving one of the smarter guards the order to clear out the citizens until further notice.

I had a plate brought to Alyssa and she ate quickly, sipping at water instead of the wine I knew she liked.

"Alyssa, why was the trip so hard on you? Surely your bones aren't that old yet."

She did not speak, but took off her cloak and my eyes were drawn to the reason for her distress. Her stomach was ballooned out, and I realize that she is heavily pregnant. More than that, it looked like the babe could come at any moment.

Before I could say anything else, three dirt smudged children and a Mabari stormed through the kitchen, squealing in delight as they stole food and ran back out.

Alyssa smiled.

My heart tore in two, because that smile was not for me. She was not for me. Not anymore. I had given that chance up.

I bet the Maker thought this was funny.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the wait ladies and gentlemen. I've been busy with finals. And I'm about to disappoint again too. This will probably be the last update for a few weeks, at least until school starts back again. I have no internet at home, so naturally I won't be able to update while I'm away from school. Don't life just suck balls? Well, here's the next chapter. Hope it's good enough to hold you over until next time.**

I watch quietly as Alyssa eats, taking her time. I figure she's trying to eat in a way where she could actually keep the food in her stomach. Anora was always throwing up everything but the simplest broths with her two pregnancies.

"Staring is rude Alistair." Alyssa mumbles over her cup of water.

I shiver as my name rolls off her tongue. During the Blight it had never ceased to amaze me that something so simple as saying my name could have such profound effects on me. Apparently, time did not help to cure me.

"It's been eleven years, Alyssa. I think I can stare at you for the time that you're here. I assume you'll be gone before I blink. Just give me that."

She rolls her eyes. I look up, suddenly aware that we were not alone. A pair of servants stood quietly in the corner, kneading bread at a table near the fire. Who knows what they would've heard if Alyssa hadn't told me. I'm glad I can still read her subtle cues. I guess life at court had some advantages.

"Would you care to see where Duncan was housed while he was here?" I ask.

"Very well."

She stood, slowly and with difficulty. I hold out a hand to help her, but she shuffles just out of reach. That's the second time she's refused to let me touch her. It stung.

I don't say anything about the snuff, but turn and start walking through the castle, explaining as I went, "I've kept him near me most of the time so I could watch him, but at times such as now when I couldn't have him near I've had guards following him around. Anora hasn't tried anything yet, despite there being no way to deny that he's my son. I think she's waiting to see what will happen."

"I tell you now Alistair, if she moves against me or him I _will_ kill her, royalty be damned."

"I'm not surprised. You act as if you haven't been singing the 'royalty be damned' song since before I met you. The whole of Ferelden has to know of your distaste of nobility."

I look at her. She didn't say anything but there was a slight curve in her lips. I'm one of the few people able to read her so well. I remember how others would get so confused as to what she was thinking they'd just come ask one of her companions.

It had been especially fun to watch Anora struggle with Alyssa's sly front. Anora had practically squirmed with confusion whenever she was around Alyssa. Of course, Alyssa chopping off Anora's father's head did nothing to help either. I smile. I couldn't help it. Anora had always been so haughty and arrogant, it had been a pleasure to see her brought down by Alyssa.

"Something funny?" Alyssa asks. My smile widened. She's always curious to find things out. It was a blast to drive her mad.

"Oh, just fond memories."

There it is. That little twich in her lips that says she's annoyed. Oh, and there's the pout. So lovely.

"Here we are. Please, have a seat."

She did, picking my favorite chair in the process. I wonder at that. Was it sheer chance? Probably not. When I had asked her – back during the Blight – why she always picked the furniture I liked to sit in, she claimed it was because it smelled like me. I don't bring it up. I shut the door for privacy and sit in a less comfortable chair.

Looking at her now, it slowly starts to sink in. Questions pour from my mouth.

"Where have you been? What have you been doing? _Why didn't you tell me about Duncan?_"

She visibly flinches on the last one. I bite off whatever else I had been about to say. The energy went out of her, and she slumped in her chair, her face tired and pained. I could not tell if it was from me or the babe in her belly.

"First, I didn't tell you because there is obvious danger to a bastard child of royalty."

I flinch, but that didn't stop me for long. "Alyssa, if you had told me he wouldn't be a bastard! He'd be a true heir! The only reason I turned you away eleven years ago was because Grey Wardens couldn't have children. You should have come straight to me when you knew about him!"

"Alistair, none of this would've happened if you'd have had faith in my birthing in the first place!"

"Faith doesn't breed heirs!"

"Neither does ignorance! You should have known I could've bore children by the simple fact that I still suffered my moon time every month!"

This was a slap in the face. What she said was true. There were many nights when I would wake in the dead of darkness and find her at the fire, cleaning bedding she had stained in her sleep. Many times during the Blight no one did anything, because her cramps seized her hard and she wouldn't be able to move. It was at these times that I had felt the most useless, because I had been ignorant of women's ways. Sten would often go searching for herbs that specifically helped in the easing of the pain from her moon time, and Zevran had stepped in to fill Tamlen's shoes, helping her to change her wrappings and wash her clothes and bedding when she had bled through them. I hadn't known what to do, so I just sat outside her tent, cursing as she whimpered in pain and burning with jealousy when Zevran would comfort her.

I hadn't thought to ask Wynne about it until we had reached Denerim and were preparing for the landsmeet.

Reality of my ignorance brought me back to the present, and I see nothing but my betrayal in her eyes. Tears well in my eyes. I put my face in my hands to try to hide it, but there was no way she missed it.

It was silent for a while, and I calmed down. I wiped my face and checked my reflection in a nearby mirror. It was obvious. My eyes were swollen and red, and I appeared to be on the verge of crying again. I rub my forehead.

Alyssa made a small whimpering noise I knew well.

"Are you hurt?" I ask immediately.

"N-no." she manages to stammer.

"Don't lie to me."

"I didn't. I'm not hurt. It's the babe. Neither Duncan nor Verenala gave me as much trouble as this one, and Duncan was a lot of trouble to carry. This babe can never seem to get comfortable."

The babe was moving in her. An overwhelming impulse gripped me. Anora had never let me touch her while she was with child. Claimed I might give her bad luck and cause her to lose the child.

"May I?" I ask quietly, my eyes suddenly drawn to her swollen belly.

She was quiet for a time, then whispered, "Sure."

I drop to my knees in the floor and scoot over next to her chair. I pause for a moment, then reach and splay both hands out over her stomach. I nearly covered her stomach, despite her being so large with child. Elves were so much smaller than humans.

For several seconds, nothing happened. Then I felt little nudges under both hands. Strong little nudges too. Some strangled noise of amazement escapes me, and I realize I'm crying again. I can't believe how something so small could bring a full grown man to his knees.

Sure, I'm wrapped completely around every finger and toe on both my daughters, but I hadn't been allowed to touch them for several months after their birth. Anora always thought I would drop them.

But feeling the promise of a child before it's even born? That was amazing.

"Alyssa you have no idea what this means to me. Thank you. This is a miracle."

"Surely it is not so astonishing. Didn't you feel your daughters when they grew?"

I shake my head.

"Oh." She whispered. "I'm sorry Alistair."

I lean forward and put my cheek on her stomach. The babe was still kicking, as if it were fighting something. After a particularly hard kick catches me on a sensitive spot on my temple, I lean up and claim, "That's no babe, that's a Mabari you've got in there!"

Alyssa laughs, loud and clear and strong, and I smile, glad I could still make her laugh.

"Aye, it does seem that way. Despite all the problems I had with Duncan, he was at least a quiet baby!"

"You had problems with Duncan?" I ask. "Were they because of me?"

She sobered up quickly. "In part. Duncan was such a large baby. I had trouble carrying him. Later in the pregnancy I couldn't even walk on my own. The maid helping me with the birth was for sure we were both going to die. But, the Creator gave me the strength to push him on out. I didn't have enough to feed him either. We couldn't afford a wet nurse at the time so I turned him over to the first Mabari female that I had bred to Kane. She had had her first litter of pups two weeks before. We were lucky. He would've died otherwise."

"What were the other problems?" I ask, not really sure I wanted to hear about them.

"Oh, there were plenty. Mostly with children being cruel to him, calling him a bastard and picking at him for being so odd." She sighed. "If only he had been born with rounded ears he could pass for a human. It's such a shame he has to be caught in the middle like that."

"I'm sorry Alyssa."

"What's done is done. There's no going back to change it. Best to just make the most of it and let it be."

I'm quiet for a while, with my hands still splayed against Alyssa's trembling belly. The babe would be a fighter that was for sure.

"Who've you been with since you left?"

Duncan mentioned a father, and I had already noticed the gold band around her third left finger.

"Zevran. We were travelling together for some time and one day he asks, 'When is your moon time? We should get herbs soon.' Well, naturally I blurted out that my moon time hadn't come for a while, so he asked me when the last one I had had was, and I told him before you and I had shared my tent."

"You actually told him that?"

She sniffed. "Yes, I did. Although there was much stammering and blushing at the time. He immediately took me to the nearest town where we found a nurse. She poked and prodded me for a few minutes then stated that yes, I was pregnant. She was real nice about it too. Gave me and Zevran congratulations."

I couldn't see Alyssa going through the conversation of explaining that she actually bore another man's child, but I let that one go.

"Well, we immediately set out for the Antivan countryside. Zevran had a little cottage there, though it was nearly falling in from neglect by the time we got there. Zevran fixed up what he could, then started taking contracts from the Crows again to support us. He would often leave me with a young girl from down the street while he was away. Once my pregnancy advanced, however, and I started having trouble, he took fewer contracts, and what he did take were always within three days of the house."

"He was a good man. Few others would do what he did."

"He did more than that though, and here was where I was truly blessed. When Duncan came, Zevran took one look at him and it was as if Duncan had been his son all along. Zevran loved us both, despite the circumstances."

We were silent for the longest time after that. I don't know how much time passed. After a while, Alyssa yawned.

"Get some rest. I'll make sure nothing happens to Duncan. He should be back here after supper. Try to go easy on him."

She snorts but a smile was playing at the corners of her lips. She gets up and moves to the bed as I step out into the hall and close the door.

I had a lot to think about.


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm back! So how's everyone been? Aching for my next awesome chapter I bet. Yeah, I'm just that awesome. Anyway, here it is. I've been thinking it through over break and I think you're going to like it.**

Alyssa slept most of the morning. She must've been more tired than she let on. With Anora sick as well – and refusing to see me for that same reason – I had nothing better to do than don my armor and hit the training field.

The smells of dirt, sweat, leather, and oil fill my nose as I step out of the castle's side door and into the clearing used to train and practice. The grass had long since been beaten down, and all the rocks removed so that no one would get hurt during falls. Ever since I became king, this place had been my refuge, an escape from the stresses of court and marriage. It reminded me of camp, so long ago.

I have been living in this castle for eleven years now, but the camp during the Blight had been my home. We had all been companions, some closer than others, but we were all tied together through our separate bonds to Alyssa.

My body moved through the stretches as I thought, knowing automatically what to do even though I wasn't paying attention.

Alyssa had never held anyone as a favorite. We were all equal in her eyes. Weaknesses of one were covered by the strengths of another, and by this method everyone had been able to fight side-by-side with anyone Alyssa chose to take scouting with her. I had usually gone with her, due to the fact that I knew some of the nobles, but sometimes I found myself stuck at camp with nothing to do.

Like today, alone and bored. I moved from my warm-up stretches to fighting with my shadow. Jabbing, slicing, and bashing at an imaginary opponent was my favorite way to practice. Sometimes I would spar with one of the men, but they coddled me. I know several who could best me without blinking, but none seemed keen on actually beating me.

I hear a crash and pounding footsteps and turn to see Duncan flying out of the castle, panic written all over his face.

I grab him and exclaim, "Calm down, son, and tell me what's the matter!"

"She's gonna kill me!" he wails, his voice several octaves higher than normal.

I immediately think of Anora. What is she thinking?

"BOY!"

The voice roared from an upper window and Duncan's face goes white. I'm sure mine is the same. We both look up to find Alyssa leaning out the window. I don't have to see her face to know what expression she's wearing. She ducks back in.

"What do I do?" Duncan asks, shaking in my hands.

"Ummm…"

My mind is blank with fear. Alyssa is a sight to behold in her anger. Men and boys around us were watching curiously, but I couldn't think of what to do.

"Hide!" is what finally springs from my mouth.

He does.

"Not behind me, she'll cut through me!"

"YOU!"

Alyssa rounded the door, eyes narrowed, teeth bared, fingers hooked into claws. That is her furious face.

"Andraste's knickers, we're too late! Run for it!"

I drop sword and shield and take off after Duncan, making for the gate out of the castle. We never make it to the gate. A black blur appears between us, and Alyssa catches us both by the back of our collars. Two pairs of feet come flying off the ground.

We are dragged back to the castle. Alyssa is seething, spitting out long streams of Antivan that I have no meaning for, but Duncan appears as if he is in death's hands.

"And as for you, Alistair!" she switches to common.

She cuts me down, and calls me several names that make me wince. The lecture mostly centers on us making her worry and irresponsibility and spawn of stupidity.

Around us, men that normally would have come to my aid back away without a word, the cowards. I, however, have a secret weapon. See, for all her looks of indomitability, Alyssa is actually a woman that is easy prey for simple charm and corny jokes.

As she slides me and Duncan to sit propped against the wall of the castle, I put on THE LOOK. The one that never failed to stop her from being angry. Back in the day I used this to get out of chores. It had driven Wynne and Zevran crazy.

Tilt the head, make the eyes big, and push the lip out in a half-pout, and voila.

Alyssa takes one look at me and immediately _she _is the one on the defensive.

"Absolutely not, Alistair! Stop looking at me like that! I mean it! You two are in serious trouble and I have every right to be mad!"

I don't say anything, just keep the look going. She tries, and fails, to look angry. Finally she sighs in defeat.

I jump up and grin at her. Duncan stands too, and looks at me with something like amazement. Alyssa shakes her head at me.

"You're such a mood-killer Alistair. Can't you for once let me get mad?"

"Nah, I like you better when you aren't trying to kill me."

She rolls her eyes and turns to Duncan. "Well, off with you. He's done gone and ruined it. Shame too, I had a fabulous lecture planned out on the way here."

Duncan runs off with a crooked smile pointed at me.

Alyssa glowers. "If you _ever _teach that to Duncan, I will flay you." She threatens darkly.

"Whatever you say. Are you hungry?"

XXXXXXXXXXX

A messenger came during lunch. I read over the paper quickly.

_We have found a respectable ship bound for Antiva. However, no ship is allowed to leave the docks due to bad weather. Mages estimate it could be one to two weeks before travel is available._

I hand the note to Alyssa. Her face falls at the news. I know she's ready to be home. With the babe due any second, I can't blame her. Her shoulders slump. Uh-oh. That never ends well. I think of something that could keep her busy, and I smile at the solution.

"Alyssa, if you don't mind, I have a favor to ask of you."

"Yes?"

"I have Qunari delegates coming to stay to talk peace treaties. Would you be kind enough to help me?"

She thought about it for a minute, then nodded.

"They should arrive later today. In fact, I should probably get ready to receive them when I finish here. If you wish to do the same, you're free to help yourself.

"I'd like that. I haven't had a bath in a couple days. It's disgusting."

I want to tell her that nothing about her is disgusting, but somehow I don't think she'll appreciate that. So I nod and don't say anything.

"You were trying to get Duncan passage back to Antiva?" she asks picking at one of her pastries.

"I knew you would worry. I probably should have sent you a message, but I didn't think to ask Duncan where you live."

She opened her mouth to reply, when a woman strolls in. She takes one look at us and fake-screams.

"Your majesty, what in Andraste's holy name are you doing eating with that filthy knife-ear? Royalty should not have to bear the disgrace of being seen with scum!"

I know the woman. Anora's favorite lady-in-waiting, Margaret. I see Alyssa's knuckles whiten as she grips the fork in her hand. I reach out and take her wrist. Her head snaps to me, and I can see her rage burning in her eyes. I give her a long look. She puts the fork down.

I turn to Margaret. "How many times have I told you to keep your mouth shut about elves? It nearly got you killed just now."

"No knife-ear will lay a hand on me!" she scoffs. "Queen Anora will hang anyone that does."

"Yes, I can kill you if I want, you ditzy bitch. You happen to be looking at the person that killed the Archdemon eleven years ago. Anora won't do anything except look annoyed when your throat is slit."

Margaret's face turns ashen. She turns to me and states, "The Queen is feeling better and would like you to come see her when it is convenient for you, majesty."

With a last disdainful look at Alyssa, she turns and flees the room, her skirts flying up behind her in her haste.

I sigh. I can already tell this is not going to go over well.


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm getting a lot of people hating on Anora. Naughty things! ;) Have no fear! She gets what's coming to her. And you'll never believe how. Enjoy!**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I walk through the halls of the castle, heading up to the room that Anora spent most of her time in. The pale yellow walls and white lace curtains always made me flinch. I could feel my manhood shrink every time I stepped through the door. The room is a female zone and it doesn't like males at all.

Alyssa is in my shadow, following along to meet Anora. My head begins to ache. This is not going to be pretty. Alyssa and Anora have never gotten along.

I feel a nudge in my side and look down to find Alyssa holding out a vaguely familiar herb.

"For the headache. Chew it and suck the juices but spit it out when it's dry." She explains.

I take it from her and stick the plant in my mouth, chewing as instructed then rolling it between my teeth and the inside of my cheek so I could talk as well.

"Thanks."

I turn down the hall to the horrid female's domain and shudder, trying to brace myself. I stepped into Anora's sitting room.

"Alistair, where have you been? The Qunari delegates are on the road just outside the city walls. They'll be here within the hour. And what's this about you siding with an elf about killing Margaret?"

I glance and find Margaret skulking in a corner behind Anora. No doubt she had told Anora some fantasy. She'll make a bite from an Archdemon out of a needle prick.

Alyssa steps out from behind me and states, "Your woman was overstepping her bounds. We just reminded her of them."

Alyssa's voice could have been taken as neutral, but I knew otherwise. She was daring Anora to say anything about the incident.

"Alyssa." Anora's face turned into a scowl, her eyes freezing into flint. "I did not know you had arrived. Alistair had assured me that you would be unable to make the journey here to retrieve your…son."

I feel Alyssa tense next to me. She didn't take kindly to Anora's insinuation about Duncan's status as a bastard.

"I made it well enough."

"I see. I apologize on Margaret's behalf; she was confused as to your identity."

Margaret's face flared and she glances at Anora. Clearly she had been expecting Alyssa to receive some form of punishment. Alyssa smirks.

But her smirk disappeared quickly, and her voice is like razors as she replies, "She wasn't so confused when she was calling me 'knife-ears' and 'scum'. I've killed for lesser Anora. The next time it happens I will kill again."

"She is the Queen! You should address her properly!"

Alyssa raises her eyebrow at Anora. Anora doesn't say anything. She knows as well as I do that the only reason we're on the throne is because of Alyssa. And Alyssa wasn't weak enough not to take something back if the person didn't deserve it.

"Well, thank you for coming to see me. I hope you enjoy your stay." Anora finally intoned.

Alyssa stalks out the door. I give Anora one last look then follow after Alyssa.

"Frigid bitch." Alyssa mutters. "And you! She has castrated you! Aren't you supposed to be the king _and _the husband? She shouldn't have such control over you."

"What in Andraste's name do you mean?" I ask, annoyed. The 'castrated' part had been unnecessary.

"She calls for you, and you go running. She dismisses you, and you flee. You have no balls."

"Alyssa." I warn.

"No balls!" she repeats.

I sigh. Females. I hate females.

"I'm going to go bathe real quick. Try not to make a mess before the Qunari get here, please."

"Wear your armor. Qunari automatically hate leaders who sit on their asses in finery all day."

"I do not sit on my ass in my finery all day!" I deny, but she just quirks a crooked grin at me and ambles down the hall. I watch the sway of her hips as she does.

I shake myself, and head to my bedchamber to bathe.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I sit in my throne and await the Qunari delegates. Anora is nowhere to be seen. Alyssa, however, stands patiently on my right side. I offered her a chair to sit next to me, but she refused on the grounds that exercise was good for the baby.

The delegates have only recently entered the city. We still have a little time. Without asking I reach over and put my hand on Alyssa's bloated stomach. She doesn't object, merely sighs and turns towards me so I could find the babe.

I find the little Mabari alright. Still fighting monsters and giving its mother fits in the process. I can't help the smile that spreads across my face. Alyssa laughs under her breath at me. I stick my tongue out at her.

After a moment more, I drop my hand back into my lap and Alyssa returns to her post just behind my shoulder.

"What names are you thinking about?" I ask.

"Well, I haven't really bothered with it yet. After Ostagar, I made the decision to name my first son after Duncan. Venerala was Zevran's mother's name. This one will just have to wait for a name until it's time for introductions."

I nod and sigh. Alyssa is laid-back about most things, letting Fate take its course. Anora is constantly trying to make everything go her way. The contrast between these two women is as stark as black and white. I'm not ashamed to find that I wish Alyssa was my wife.

A knock on the door interrupts my thoughts before I can say anything embarrassing to Alyssa. I sign for my guards to open the doors into the throne room.

When the eight Qunari are about halfway to us, I hear Alyssa gasp. She bolts down the stairs and straight to the delegates. Two of the Qunari immediately move to intercept her, drawing swords. I should probably be worried, but I'm mostly amused.

The two large blades meet in a clash, but Alyssa's throat is no longer there. In a split second she had spun on the ball of her foot and crouched low into the floor. For the briefest of moments, our eyes meet. She winks at my smirk.

In the next second, she had spun back up to a standing position behind her attackers swords and wrapped her arms as far as they would around one of the Qunari.

"Sten! Oh, how I've missed you my friend!" she exclaims.

Sten puts one big hand on her head. "Kadan. I was not expecting you to be here. Will you cease strangling me now?"

"Careful Sten! I think that might have been a joke."

Sten never smiled, but his eyes soften as he looks at Alyssa. The others in Sten's party glance between each other quizzically. They had no idea what to make of this.

As Alyssa gushes about Duncan's daring journey to see me and recounts her chase of him from Antiva, I get up and walk to the group.

"Sten. It's been a while. I'm glad to see you safe. There were no difficulties on the road?"

The giant detaches his grinning leech and replies, "None. The roads are safer when the Darkspawn are within the Deep Roads."

"Indeed. Would you like to rest before we begin the peace talks? I had a meal prepared just in case."

He glances around. There were no objections. "That would be fine. Come kadan. We will speak over supper."

Well, these peace talks might be successful. Now all I have to do is keep Anora from ruining it. Over the years I've discovered that she might be diplomatic, she was a terrible racist and had a tendency to turn her nose up at any creature not human.

Well, at least with Alyssa here there would be no end of amusement.


	7. Chapter 7

**Well now, ladies and gents, we seem to be coming up on the interesting bits now. I think I have the rest of the story all planned out in my head. It won't be much longer now before this is a completed story. Enjoy!**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Sten and his brothers swarm the table and immediately begin filling up plates with various foods. Alyssa squirms her way into a spot between Sten and a second Qunari who still looks a bit unsure as to what to do with the tiny female.

I sit a little ways up the table and let the guests get settled and relax. Alyssa immediately pulls a plate laden with fruit her way and begins chattering to Sten in the Qunari's own gruff language. They stick their heads together and are deep into conversation in no time at all.

Sten's brethren follow suit, even sometimes including Alyssa.

Even though it hasn't been long since I lunched with Alyssa, I nibble on a grouse in front of me. Grouse is my favorite. Naturally, Anora hates it.

Duncan comes running in, covered in grime and tracking mud over the hideous rug Anora's distant aunt had given her for a wedding gift. I find it more becoming now.

I nod down the table. "Go speak with Sten. I'm sure he'd be happy to see you."

"Sten's here?" Duncan asks incredulously, and then moves down the table to stand behind his mother and bark at Sten in Qunari.

Without prompt, Sten reaches out and grabs the boy 'round the neck. Duncan protests fiercely but Sten is already scrubbing his knuckles across the boy's scalp. Alyssa roars with laughter and I can't help a smile myself.

When Duncan is eventually released, he steps back out of Sten's reach and complains at the Qunari. Sten looks as if he hasn't done anything wrong.

After a brief conversation with Alyssa, Duncan returns to me and sits down next to me, piling a plate with enough food to feed three people. I'm not surprised. His mother can eat more than Sten can.

I engage conversation with Duncan, happy to spend a little time with him. Each passing moment I see more of his mother in him, but there are some little quirks that I'm not entirely sure of. I wonder why seeing him wipe his hands on his tunic triggers something familiar in my memory.

Realization hits me. Duncan is doing what I do all the time. He is my mirror image in more than just looks. As I start to watch him closely, I notice he is actually more like me than Alyssa. I wonder how hard it was for her, to look at him every day for the last ten years and see me in everything he did. It must've hurt relentlessly.

A small whimper, barely noticeable, has me turning to look down the table. Briefly, Sten and I exchange a glance. He had heard it too. We both turn to Alyssa. Sten quietly asks a question.

"No, I'm fine. It was just a rough kick."

I don't believe her. I pat Duncan on the back saying, "I'll be back in a minute. I'm going to go check on your mother."

I get up and head her way as another whimper escapes her. Sten reaches a hand out and splays it across her belly, completely covering it in his massive paw.

"Kadan…" he warns, worry in his eyes.

"Really, I'm fine." Alyssa persists, pushing up from the table and stepping over the bench she had been sitting on.

There is a splashing sound, and an odd smell reaches me just as I have a hand on her elbow. A look of confusion covers her face, and she looks up at me as if to ask _me_ what had happened.

Without warning Sten jumps from the table, ignores protests from his brothers, and scoops Alyssa up like a ragdoll. He is bounding up the stairs before I realize what's going on. I chase after him.

Upstairs, Sten is kicking in doors to find a room suitable for his needs.

"This way!" I yell at him, and I don't have to look to see if he follows me to the room Duncan has been staying in.

Once inside, Sten lays Alyssa down on the bed with a gentleness that someone half his size wouldn't even have. A squeak in the corner draws our attention to a maid who had a bundle of sheets in her arms. She had been changing the linens when we had stormed in. She didn't look to be any older than Duncan.

"You." Sten intones, pointing at her. "Bring a midwife to make a delivery."

She shakes her head and replies, "I-I-I c-can't. The only midwife in the castle is already at a birthing!"

Sten curses under his breath. "Then I will need you to bring me warm water and lots of rags. Now, if you please."

The maid nods and dashes out of the room.

"What do you intend-"

Sten flips Alyssa's leather skirt up, and begins to shimmy her smalls down her legs.

"By the Maker man, have some decency!" I exclaim, turning away to give Alyssa her privacy, even though Sten wasn't.

"You act like a virgin. I have to deliver the babe. I cannot do that and let her keep her modesty at the same time. Deal with it." Was Sten's reply.

"Alistair?" Alyssa croaks.

"Yes?"

"Will you come hold me? I'll need help." She pants.

I move to sit beside her, but she leans up for me to sit behind her. I do so, and she latches onto the mail covering my thighs, fingers digging in sharply.

"The contractions have started." Sten states.

That would explain Alyssa's sudden need to dent my armor.

She leans into me and slides her rear down closer to Sten, then lifts her legs so he would have a better view.

"Push, Kadan."

Alyssa tenses in my arms, and I can feel her strain in her efforts.

"I see the head already Kadan. This will be a short birthing."

She grunts in acknowledgement. On Sten's command, she pushes again. The giant's brow furrows, his eyebrows coming together in a harsh line.

"Something is wrong Kadan. I think the babe might be tangle in the cord."

Alyssa releases a strangled sob, and then sets in to whimpering piteously.

"Is there anything that can be done?" I ask. The maid rushes in with the water and rags, and in the second the door is open I see Duncan's worried face. Now was not the time to try to placate him however.

Sten thinks for a moment. Alyssa trembles in my arms from contractions.

"Girl, go to Kadan. Alistair, come here."

I do as I'm told, though I'm apprehensive. The maid rushes to take my place, wiping Alyssa's forehead with a damp rag.

I move to kneel beside Sten on the bed.

"You will have to hold her legs open while I try to untangle the babe."

I blanch, but in a crisis like this I can only follow orders. I readjust my position, and sit next to Alyssa and face Sten. I grab her behind the knees and pull her legs up and out of Sten's way. Alyssa fights me, wanting to use her legs to push down, but I am able to hold her.

Sten leans down and reaches for Alyssa's womanhood. Then his enormous hand is _inside_ her.

"Andraste's knickers! She's not that big Sten!" I exclaim.

"Women grow in birth to accommodate pushing out the babe."

I glance over my shoulder at the maid's voice. It seems she knew a bit about birthing.

"You're all mad!"

Alyssa is twitching at Sten's invasion, but I know he's doing the best he can. A minute that feels like an hour goes by, and finally there is a release of tension. Sten pulls his hand from Alyssa.

"Push!"

Alyssa pushes.

"Again!"

Following Sten's orders, Alyssa frees the babe from her womb. I watch in amazement as what appears to be a tiny flame slides out from Alyssa's womanhood.

"It is a girl."

A babe. The flame I had seen was actually a head covered in thick red hair. She was tiny, fitting in one of Sten's hands. Sten slaps the babe's rear.

She sucks in air and begins howling. She did not like this abuse at all. Carefully, Sten cuts her cord. Something hits the back of my head. I reach and grab a towel.

"Wrap her in that." The maid commanded.

I hand the towel to Sten, who wraps the squalling babe in the towel then promptly holds her out to me.

"Take her. The girl and I must see to the afterbirth."

"How?" I ask.

"Support her head by holding her neck. You may take her to show Duncan while we finish up here."

I do as I'm told, cradling the tiny girl in both hands. I pull her close, and I feel as if I'm holding a miracle. Gently, I get up and walk carefully to the door. Supporting her in one hand, I take hold of the door knob.

"Alistair?"

Alyssa's voice was tired and rough. I turn back to her. She smiles at me. "Her name is Asala."

I nod, and I can see the emotion in Sten's face as I exit the room. Duncan is at my elbow in a second, peering over my arm at the little bundle of spitfire.

"Say hello to your brother Asala." I whisper.


	8. Chapter 8

**Well, there are more and more people liking this story. I have a question though. When I get through with this story, I have two more in mind to write. So, I'm asking which you, the readers, would like first, a Mahariel/Sten pairing during Origins, or a (F) Hawke/Fenris pairing during DA II? Just let me know. Y'all know how to get in touch with me. Anyhoo, here's the next chapter!**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

Duncan is unsure about holding his sister, so he lets me hold her and just stares in awe at Asala. I see now what he meant about Venerala being so different when she was born. Asala is obviously elf. She is small even in my hands. I can't hold her in the crook of an elbow, so she lays sleeping with her head cradled in one hand, and her body held in the other.

I order a passing maid to bring me warm water and a clean towel from Alyssa's room. She does so quietly, and gives Duncan and me the news that Alyssa should be ready for Asala soon. She helps me clean the newborn and wrap her in a fresh towel. Asala complains, but she doesn't start squalling again. That's a blessing for sure.

I end up adjusting Asala to one hand, keeping her head in my palm and letting her body rest down the length of my forearm, and I clutch her close to my chest. I don't know what to make of Sten's trust in my ability to care for the babe while he is busy, but I guess I'll never know. Sten never tells a soul a secret it shouldn't know.

Hurried footsteps echo down the hall. I look up to see Anora and Margaret rushing towards us. Duncan shifts and pinches his face. Anora wasn't too discreet about her dislike of my bastard son playing with her royal daughters.

"How goes the birthing? We only just got the word." Anora explains a bit breathlessly.

I shift and glance at Asala. Anora follows my gaze and for a moment she is stunned. Then she says, "Alistair you shouldn't be holding him. You'll drop him."

"First off, Asala is a girl. And secondly, he's been holding her for the last half hour and he hasn't dropped her yet. Just leave him alone." Duncan replies before I can say anything.

Anora turns an icy glare on Duncan. I stand and put myself between them. "Don't you dare say anything to him! Do you understand?"

The threat in my voice wasn't enough. Anora looks up at me quickly, sucking in a breath to say something anyway, but she falters. I guess she sees something in my face that lets her know she can't win. Not this time.

A short, plump woman covered in sweat rounds the corner with her skirts hiked up to her knees to keep them out of the way. She breaks the tension between me and Anora before we lay into each other.

"I heard there was another woman going into labor?" she asks. Obviously this is the midwife.

"There was but it was a short birthing. Have a look." I say, turning to show her Asala.

She beams at the babe in my hand. She reaches out but stops short.

"May I?" she asks.

I observe her face closely. I don't think she's one of Anora's pets. I nod and she lifts Asala away from me with a practiced ease. She immediately took my seat on the bench that Duncan had shared with me, and let him touch his sister with a gentle finger.

She looks back up to me. "So, who did deliver the little one?"

"Sten." I reply.

Anora gasps in horror. "The Qunari delivered the babe? What's to say he hasn't used some dark magic on her?"

"First off, Sten _can't_ use magic, second, I was there. He didn't-"

"Men in the birthing room!" Margaret spat. "The child is cursed!"

Before I can say anything, the midwife pipes up, yelling, "You fool! I've told you time and again that having men present during the birthing doesn't curse the child!"

Margaret flares red in the face. Anora does the same. But seeing as they couldn't win the argument this time, they turned on their heels and stalked back down the hall. I rub the back of my neck and wonder if Alyssa might have more of that headache herb.

"Thanks for that." I say to the midwife, moving to sit in the floor at her feet. Duncan jumps up.

"You can have my seat." He says.

"You don't have to do that for me, Duncan. This won't be the first time I've sat in the floor you know." I tell him.

"Well, I was going to go tell the Qunari what was happening. They know me a little and I can speak the language. I think Sten is the only one that knows Common."

"Alright, but be careful."

He gives me his mother's crooked grin and dashes off. I sit down.

"What is your name?" I ask the midwife.

"Helena."

"Well, I guess I should thank you for coming. I know you were already caught up in a birthing. Sorry to wasted your time though."

"Nonsense." She chastened. "I love children. Speaking of, that boy just now…"

She shifts and looks for the right words. I smile wryly and tell her, "Yeah, he's mine. Alyssa is his mother. We, uh, got close during the Blight."

"Oh. Well that explains it. You know he's your spitting image right?"

"Yeah, he has a lot of my mannerisms too."

"Right well, you should keep a close eye on him at all times."

I turn and pin her with a glare. "What are you implying?"

"There have been whispers majesty." She drops her voice. "Anora grows paranoid every day the boy is here. She thinks it's a ploy for you to divorce her and take the Hero as a wife, because she has born an heir. I think Anora plots against you, majesty."

"She's a fool, then. Alyssa is married."

Helena's eyes widen. "But would that stop her from using your past to become queen of Ferelden? She already has the next Theirin heir."

I roll my eyes. "Honestly, I'd rather live in the woods and marry a wolf. Least I would know where I stand with her. Look, if Alyssa wanted anything to do with the crown, she'd have done it eleven years ago. Judging from the time when we…when we…uh…were close, she was pregnant before the Landsmeet. She would've known in just a couple months. But, she decided not to come back in the year before I married Anora. Alyssa doesn't want to be queen."

I huff and knock my head against the wall a couple of times. Helena is quiet. Asala chooses that moment to start screaming as loud as she could.

When Helena couldn't calm her down, she handed the babe to me. I clutch her close to me to keep from dropping her, and Asala quiets down a bit, but she's still complaining about something.

The door opens and Sten looms in the hall. "Kadan is ready for Asala."

"Good. I think the little thing just got hungry." Helena said, standing and shooing me into the room.

The girl from earlier leaves with Sten and Helena, and the door shuts behind me, leaving me alone with Alyssa.


	9. Chapter 9

**Well, since nobody wanted me to write anything specific, I have decided what will come next. No, I'm not going to tell you. Anyway, this is actually the second time I've written this particular chapter. Stupid computer went and deleted what I had saved before I could post the darn thing. And yes, I do realize there are personality switches. It is part of the plan.**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I shut the door behind me and cross the room to sit on the bed next to Alyssa. I let her lift Asala from my arms without really noticing. I'm thinking about what Helena said. Duncan would have to be guarded at all times now. I'm pretty sure he's fine at the moment; I doubt even a Crow would try to hurt him while he was surrounded by Qunari.

Movement in my peripheral vision pulls me out of my thoughts, and I find myself staring at a strip of skin as Alyssa finished unlacing her new nightgown down to her navel.

"By the Maker, do you have to do that?" I ask, turning away before she could see me blush.

"I have to feed her, Alistair."

I don't even bother telling her that that is _not_ what I meant.

"Besides," she continues, "it's nothing you haven't seen before."

I sputter indignantly and turn back to her, ready to retort but nothing comes out. Alyssa has Asala in one hand and a breast in the other.

"What are you doing?" I can't help but ask.

"Babes don't automatically know how to latch on, Alistair." She explains patiently. "They have to be taught."

When Asala finally did get a grip on her mother, she set to sucking greedily. Alyssa pulled a sheet up to her neck to cover the babe and her immodesty. I'm grateful.

We are silent for a while, and I think back to how things used to be. How we would lie on our backs and point out constellations to each other, how she used to sing songs before bed. The haunting elven melodies still rang in my dreams.

I chuckle as I remember her braiding flowers in Sten's hair as he slept one eve. He had looked ready to kill her, but with her crooked grin she had pointed to the greatsword she had also lay next to him, and a change had come over the giant. It had been his Asala, his soul. He had looked at Alyssa with something akin to reverence that night, and ever since she had been his kadan.

A question tugs in my mind that I fight, but in the end I succumb to the selfish thing.

"Why didn't you come back after you found out about Duncan?"

She is quiet for a time, unwilling to answer. But she sighs.

"I thought about it," she admits, her voice a whisper, "but I realized it wouldn't have ended well."

"Why?"

I'm determined to understand what her reasoning was for not coming back. She very well could have. And she had known she could have at any time. But she hadn't.

"Well, Alistair, I went through a lot during my pregnancy with Duncan. And eventually I realized what it was. The more I thought on it, the more I was able to piece together why it was for the best that I didn't come back.

"Alistair, Duncan hurt me so much. He was just so big. I told you before that during the birth our maid was sure we were both going to die. If I had come back, Duncan would not have been the only child. We would've had more eventually. And eventually my being an elf would've killed either me or continued to kill the babes. I am an elf, Alistair, and my womb isn't big enough to handle human babes."

I open my mouth to argue but she shakes her head.

"And you know what would have happened if I had died, or if I couldn't have any more children. You would eventually start neglecting Ferelden and I couldn't handle the thought of that, after sacrificing so much to get her on her feet to end that Blight."

"But Alyssa, I-"

Her fingers are on my lips, stopping the words from being said. Her touch made my skin warm, and I found myself wanting to curl up with her like we did eleven years ago. The words still hung in the air, however, like a prophesy waiting to be foretold.

I sigh and lean into her hand. Her thumb caresses my cheek, a comfort I've long been without.

When I'm able to tear myself away from her, I stand and turn to exit the room. She knows without me having to say it.

I would have let Ferelden burn for her.


	10. Chapter 10

**I had an accident with the window last night and I discovered two things. First, I do **_**not**_** know my own strength, and second, shatterproof glass isn't exactly as shatterproof as the makers say it is. Anyway, I've been thinking this chapter through. I hope it stands up to what everyone is used to.**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I stalk through the halls, only just now realizing the late hour. The sun will be up soon. I head to my bedchamber, eager for a bed and sleep. It's not as easy as it should have been. The door is locked. I roll my eyes. Anora, you really have fallen if you think a lock can keep me out of my own bedchamber.

I take a step back then lift my knee to my chest and slam my heel into the door right next to the handle. The flimsy knob shatters at the impact, and the wooden door flies open wide, slamming against the wall.

Anora flies up from the sheets, shock on her face. "Alistair, what in the Maker's name have you done?"

She shrieked at me, and her voice grated on my ears. I ignore her and begin removing my armor, leaving the padded tunic and breeches on, just for fun. When I get to the bed, I am yet again annoyed.

She has put that old board in the middle of the bed. As if it was needed. Anora's touch makes my skin crawl. I grab the offending piece of wood and fling it across the room, and crawl in the bed.

"Alistair, you're filthy! Get out!"

"No. Now hush and let me sleep."

"Why don't you go sleep with your whore?"

I sit up and glare at Anora, cold fury washing over me.

"This is your last chance Anora. One more word and you're out."

"I'm the queen! You cannot put me aside for a dirt-born knife-ear!"

I've had enough. I push Anora out of the bed, then follow her out. She shrieks for the guards, and I can't help but smirk when a pair of my own men come running through the door.

"What's happening?"

Before Anora could say anything, I tell them, "The _queen_ was just wanting an escort to a different room to sleep in. And of course, she will be needing you to guard her at the door because she fears for her safety. Make sure no one bothers her. She could really use some beauty sleep."

I pick Anora up out of the floor by her upper arm and toss her towards my men. They restrain her, and look at me quizzically before saying, "We will escort her to a separate room and we will make sure she is not disturbed. When is her allotted time for beauty rest finished?"

I think about it, scratching my chin. "Hmm, until I say so. I have a busy day tomorrow and I would rather her not ruin it. I will also send her food, so no need to worry about sending her maid to do so."

"Yes, majesty."

And off they went, dragging a kicking and screaming Anora between them. I am about to return to my bed when I hear her sputtering threats to my guards.

"Anora, if any of my men come to harm under questionable circumstances, I will have _your_ head. Do you understand that?"

She screams at me.

I sprawl out on my bed and sleep my first deep, peaceful sleep in eleven years.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I wake to sunlight and pokes. I crack an eye and find Duncan in the middle of jabbing his finger in my cheek.

"Is everything alright?" I ask with a yawn.

"I was just wondering if you were dead. Old Kane doesn't even sleep that deep. You were snoring so loud the chandelier downstairs was rattling. Oh, and there's a large pool of drool on your pillow as well."

I yawn again and roll over onto my back. I felt fabulous. "Well, aside from the inherent dangers to my wellbeing during sleep, I actually feel great. What time is it?"

"They just tolled the bells for the hour before noon."

"I slept later than planned. How are the Qunari?"

"Sleeping off the celebration of a birth."

"Well, at least I'm not late to my own meeting."

Duncan grins at me crookedly. But his grin disappears and his brow furrows. "What did she do that made you throw her out?"

I debate telling him, but figured it wouldn't hurt. "She spoke against your mother."

He stares through me, like Alyssa does when she's deep in thought. I do not interrupt him, not even when he mentions we might go get something to eat. I put my armor back on and follow him through the castle halls and down to the mess hall where people were gathering for lunch.

Heads turn automatically, and I feel eyes boring into me. I glance up at the cry of a baby and find Alyssa already seated and stuffing her face. I'm impressed by how quickly the maids can refill her goblet and her plate.

Asala is strapped to her back. I reach and cradle her face, and her crying turns down to a low complaining. I sit beside Alyssa and a maid lays a plate down in front of me. I don't even care what it is, I just start shoveling food in my mouth.

I hear the snickers but I ignore them, paying my attention to the rumbling in my stomach. It isn't until the large mass of cook is standing across the table from us, hands on her hips and a nasty glare pointed at us that Alyssa and I exchange a glance.

Cook's mass of curling black hair bounced as she flew into a rage on Alyssa's level.

"Look 'ere now! It's 'ard enough feeding an army. It's 'ard enough feeding you,' she points at me, 'when you eat more than th' army. But it's nigh impossible to feed the three of ye when ye all go eatin' at the same time! You're going to hafta start helping fill the larder if you're going to eat like a family of 'ogs. Now wot 'ave ye to say for yeselves?"

She ended her tirade by pointing her wooden spoon square between my eyes. Naturally, I couldn't find a thing to say in defense of myself.

Alyssa breaks the silence by snatching Cook's spoon and licking off what appeared to be cookie dough. Cook snatches back her spoon and knocks Alyssa on the head with it.

I join the rest of the mess hall in laughing until my sides burst.


	11. Chapter 11

**I keep saying this will be finished soon and then I keep dragging it out. It's a nasty habit of mine. Ugh, well, I'll just do what I can. I already have ****We Are One**** to update as well, and another baby on its way, but I refuse to start typing and posting it until ****Paying for Regrets**** is finished. It might not be finished anytime soon, but at least with me writing it out y'all won't have to wait forever for updates. Oh, and my arm is fine. I needed stitches Sunday night when it happened but the doctor told me yesterday that stitches at this point is counterproductive. Enjoy!**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

We are all out hunting when it happens.

Everything goes silent, as if to emphasize the ominous _thwack_ of the bowstring. The world stills.

Then Duncan falls off his horse.

Alyssa is down by his side in an instant, but Sten and I turn to look for the source of the arrow. A figure runs through the woods away from us. We dismount and make chase.

I weave between trees, dodge hanging limbs, and jump over roots in my way, but still the assassin creeps away from me. Sten catches up with me, and with a firm yank that nearly topples me, pulls my shield from my back.

I have only a second to wonder what he is doing before he finds an opening and throws my shield. It lands with a solid smack against the assassin's back. The assassin goes sprawling, and Sten and I are on him like wolves before he could even take another breath.

I retrieve my shield and strap it to my back once more. We are in agreement that the assassin should be killed immediately, but I know he needs to be interrogated first. So we bind and gag him and drag him back to where Alyssa is in the middle of wrapping Duncan's shoulder.

The bloodied arrow is snapped in half and laying near them. Asala is screaming from her mother's back. Sten immediately unwound the babe from Alyssa's sash and holds her in one of his massive paws and begins to murmur to her in Qunari. She calms, but she is still upset.

I kneel next to Alyssa as she murmurs in Duncan's hair, and she clutches him to her chest. He replies in Antivan, insisting that he's fine but I can see he's shook up.

"We are returning to the castle immediately. No objections." I say, and stand to start retrieving horses. I toss the would-be assassin on the back of my own horse before mounting.

Alyssa reaches for Asala, but Sten refuses to hand the babe over. Alyssa's hard eyes gleam, and I step in before she cuts Sten's throat.

"He almost got away Alyssa. It is only by Sten's quick thinking that we managed to catch him. If anything else happens, we'll need you to chase down whoever tries us next."

She debates for a moment, but Sten growls something in Qunari and calms her down. We ride with Duncan in the middle of us in case another archer decides to try their hand at him. No one speaks. We all glance around to look for anything suspicious, but the ride back to the castle is quiet.

The castle itself is not.

Anora is furiously stomping around in the entrance hall, yelling at everyone that comes near her. When she sees me, she starts my way. Alyssa blurs at my side, and in the next instant she has Anora off the ground by her throat.

Guards draw weapons but I wave them off.

"Kill…her…" Anora gasps, struggling to have Alyssa's fingers loosen.

"No." I tell the guards. "Anora, there was just an assassination attempt on Duncan's life, and being as you're the one who hates him, and you are suspiciously out of the room I had you locked in earlier, you are the first suspect."

She sputters incoherently, and tries to kick out at Alyssa. Alyssa sneers at the pathetic attempts and I see her fingers tighten a hair's breadth. Anora ceases trying to kick and instead focuses on not fainting.

Sten drags the archer to me and we start rifling through his possessions. I find some familiar leaves tucked away in a hidden pocket.

"Alyssa, Duncan's been poisoned."

"Aye, but I've already given him the antidote. Deathroot is harmless against its counteragent."

I nod and find nothing else.

"You," Alyssa snaps her finger at one of my men, "come restrain her."

He does, and Alyssa comes to kneel next to me and begins to stick her deft hands in places I didn't know a person could hide something.

She picks up his feet and seems to weigh them.

"Hmm."

I watch as fear creeps into the archer's eyes. Alyssa pulls off his right boot and he starts squirming. I watch as Alyssa reaches into the boot and pulls out a tiny wooden box. She picks a lock so simple I could have picked it, and pulls out a piece of paper folded into oblivion.

Slowly she unfolds the paper and reads what is on it. She hands it to me for me to read.

_Kill the boy. He is a threat. Take the Warden if you get a chance, and the little demon, but make sure the boy dies._

_ -M._

I snort. "Honestly, who is really stupid enough to sign an order of assassination?"

Mirth passes through Alyssa's eyes, but her face is hard.

"They wanted my children dead Alistair. You know what this means."

"Aye, and I give you leave to investigate and punish as you see fit."

A cold smile creeps across her face and an evil gleams in her eyes. I almost feel sorry for the guilty party, but I'm too busy enjoying being on Alyssa's side.

She grabs the archer's wrist and stands.

"If anyone needs me, I'll be downstairs in the dungeon."


	12. Chapter 12

**Yeah, yeah, I know I haven't updated in a while. Yeah, I'm a criminal, hateful character for making you wait, et cetera and all that jazz. I hope this extra long chapter makes up for the loss. I'm really thinking of wrapping this up, but have no fear! I won't skimp out on anything just to get it over with.**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Guests are pouring into Denerim, all dressed for the occasion of my birthday. I'm stalking dark halls and grumbling to myself, trying to muster up the balls to go put my finery on and smile at people who really want to kill me. I hate these things. It seems Anora does it on purpose, though by now the celebration of my birthday is an annual reason for the people to stop work and party for no apparent reason.

I finally manage to slip into my bedchamber and wash myself up and put clean clothes on, but the energy leaves me before I can walk back out. I flop back on the bed and gaze mournfully up at the ceiling.

I swear I'd enjoy it more if anyone but Anora would plan the stupid thing. Alyssa would have-

Alyssa!

I sit up so fast the room spins. No matter how dull and dreary the celebration turns out to be, Alyssa will be there to turn it into a real party! I grin at the thought of the last time she threw me a birthday party. Everyone had been up drinking and dancing like morons all night.

Alyssa is bound to make something fun come of this.

Eagerly I rush out of my room and down to the Great Hall, where everyone is gathering. I mingle for a few moments, my eyes darting all over the room, but I can find her nowhere. I extract myself from a group of Antivan dignitaries fairly unscathed to make my way up to my throne, and I'm a little disappointed.

After a time, when everyone is settled and nibbling on the food and sipping out of their goblets, I hear a raucous commotion from the doors. I find myself turning with everyone else and find Alyssa on Sten's arm, smiling and talking to nobles that approached her. I scarcely believe the sight of her in a soft red dress the same color as the deep red wine Alyssa likes to drink, her hair falling easily to her bare shoulders. The dress isn't unbearably tight, but I find my eyes tracing the contours of her curves anyway.

"Yes, I apologize for being late, dreadful of me I know, but Sten had Duncan muddied up to his eyeballs and I had to scrub him down before I got myself ready."

She continued chatting, and I watch as Duncan comes up around his mother with the little girl that had helped Sten deliver Asala. He is blushing up to his hairline of course, and complains loudly at his mother, which sends all the adults into roars of laughter.

Alyssa kisses him on top of the head and shoves him and his new friend out to mingle. She and Sten rotate around the room, talking amicably and extracting smiles and laughter all around.

Alyssa feels me watching her and looks up. Our eyes meet, and for an instant, we are alone in the world. Then she winks and turns to engage one of the Antivan ladies in avid conversation about something involving lyrium.

"You stare at her like there is no one else in the room. It's a wonder the whole of Ferelden doesn't know of your obsession with her."

I don't even bother to look up as I reply, "I'm not the only one staring at her you know."

"No one else is the _king_." Anora scoffs, sitting stiffly in her throne next to me. Anora had put on that ice blue dress that is so tight she almost chokes in it. I regret that it's only 'almost'.

I found out right off Anora only wears dresses so tight when she wants to show off herself, to seem as if she is beauty above others. The tiny royal blue corset pushed up her breasts and narrowed her waist into near oblivion, but for all her fancy she still looked like a child comparing herself to a goddess when compared to Alyssa.

Alyssa had never needed to wear tight clothing, or to color her eyelids or lips. She is just sensual and heart stopping naturally. The curve of her lips, her luscious hair, and the gentle sway in her hips are all things she has without needing to add more to it. She is beautiful, and everyone knows it.

A local band starts playing in the corner, and I sigh in exasperation as they dive into classic Ferelden songs that I know better than the back of my hand. I love to dance, but Anora has never been one to look ridiculous, so I sit on my throne and watch.

It's a bit easier, though, when I can laugh at Alyssa as she stands on Sten's toes and lets him dance around the floor. Although he's a giant among humans, he has an easy grace and he never bumps into another couple or steps on someone else's toes.

I hear Duncan laughing and I turn to find that he has his girl up on his toes as well, and guests around them laugh brightly. I've never seen the nobility actually enjoy themselves at these parties, but it seems that just Alyssa's presence and happiness is as infectious as it ever was. No one is resistant to her charms.

After a couple more songs, Sten begs off to sit and fill his stomach. Alyssa cocks her head sideways curiously, and he whispers something in her ear. She snorts and throws her hand over her face to hide the rest of her laughter. Sten sits and Alyssa twirls across the room, slipping between the crowds with practiced ease.

She skips up the dais and stands before me. I'm confused.

She grabs the skirt of her dress and dips into a low curtsy, and I'm surprised to see that she actually has slippers on; she's usually barefoot to things of this nature.

"May I have this dance, majesty?" she asks. Her smile is polite, but her eyes glitter devilishly.

For a moment I am taken aback, but I regain myself and with a grin I put my hand in hers and let her lead me out of my throne and down to the dance floor. A glance Anora's way tells me the queen is livid, but I don't have time to think on it as Alyssa pulls my hand around her waist and nudges me into the lead.

We bounce and spin to the lively tune, and Alyssa throws her head back and laughs. I smile too, and we get lost in the moment, and it's as if we're back in camp, twirling around a campfire with Oghren and Leliana bumping into us, Zevran unabashedly groping Morrigan, and Wynne barking orders for Sten to loosen up and quit making her lead.

Bodhan and Sandal had played for us then, and everyone had a blast.

Duncan and his girl slide up nearby, and we spin the ladies out and swap partners. I pull the little girl up on my toes and ask, "What's your name dear?"

"Maria."

"Are you having fun?"

"Oh, yes majesty! Duncan has been telling me jokes and dancing with me ever since we got here."

"That's good Maria. I'm glad you're having fun. Sometimes these things are boring."

"Majesty, I don't think anything is boring with the Hero of Ferelden around!" she exclaims, and her eyes shine in that reverent way all children's do when they speak of a hero of legend.

I laugh and we change partners again as the song changes. Alyssa's hair is bouncing and her skirt is flying, and there's probably some scandal that she's showing her ankles, but none of it matters to me.

All that matters to me is that the love of my life is in my arms and smiling not just _at_ me, but _because_ of me. I have dreamed of this many times, but dreams cannot hold against the real thing. Alyssa's laugh rings in my ears like bells, and her skin is smooth to the touch accented here and there by a few scars.

"Where is Asala?" I ask, suddenly realizing that the baby is not present.

"The rest of the Qunari are guarding her."

No sooner has the words left her lips than the Qunari walk in through a side door, all in a circle formation around the one holding the little Mabari.

Alyssa and I laugh at the sight, and watch eagerly as they drop Asala off with Sten and sit down to eat. The nobles are a bit wary, but seeing the ease and comfort with which the king and hero take in the appearance of the giants, they relax and continue to enjoy themselves.

We are just about to sit down when the band starts to play Alyssa's favorite song, and who am I to deny a pretty lady one more dance.

I smile and pull her close.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Later, I'm rocked with nostalgia and can't sleep, despite it being the early hours of the morn. I lay sprawled in my big bed alone – Anora is now situated down the hall – and stare at the ceiling, tracing the patterns and imagine my fingers tracing over the delicate curves of Alyssa's vallaslin.

I sigh and get out of bed to pace the halls in my nightwear. Something nags in the back of my mind and before I know it I'm in the kitchen. I don't realize I'm not alone until I hear dishes clinking together.

I walk around the large table and find a woman in her nightgown scrubbing aimlessly at dishes, a lone candle to light her work. With a start I realize it is Alyssa, but I'm not really surprised. Washing dishes had been her stress relief when she needed to think something out.

I step up beside her without a word and begin rinsing dishes as she finishes scrubbing them. The dishes are numerous, but it is not a problem. We simply wash them in silence, waiting for a cue that neither of us knew.

It could have been hours later when she finally whispers, "It was Anora's bitch that tried to have Duncan killed. She did it without Anora knowing."

"Margaret? Well that explains it. Where is she now?"

"Feeding carrion crows."

"Good. I never liked her anyway."

A smile ghosts across Alyssa's face, but it is gone quickly. She washes a few plates before she speaks again.

"Alistair?" she whispers. Something in her voice makes my heart flutter, and I turn to face her. Something passes behind her eyes before she finally looks up at me. My heart skips at beat at the intensity of her gaze.

"Would it have been like this always?"

I am speechless. I am not the only one haunted by memories. I swallow, trying to find something to say, when she leans into me.

I do not know what possessed her to do so. I do not know what possessed me to do the same.

All I know is that my lips had brushed hers before the cook had fired up her oven to start breakfast.

We broke apart, but the electricity of that simple touch still tinged my lips and set my blood to boiling.

Maker help me.


	13. Chapter 13

**Well, I'm so close to having this story finished I can hear my dear readers crying over the last chapter. But, as it so happens, I now have a job, and prospects on a second job as well, and both are desperately needed. So, I'm letting everyone know now that starting next I will only be able to type chapters in the hour before I start class in the mornings. My apologies if the chapters don't come out every day like they used to, but the updates should move to at least once a week, unless I'm pressed on homework. Now then, to all my followers, favorites, and reviewers; do you want an epilogue or not? I have an idea rattling around in my head for it but I won't bother with it if y'all don't want it. Oh, and KatDancer2, this chapter is especially for you, because Anora gets what's coming to her. I hope you enjoy it with a devilish grin.**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Stupid, stupid, stupid! How could I have been so stupid? I never should have let that happen, we're both married and Maker only knows what the servants will find out and spread like the plague.

My lips still tingle as I race down the hall in the predawn light, fleeing in the opposite direction that Alyssa did. The feeling made me want to turn around and finish what I'd started.

Stupid!

I shake myself violently, but I am not rid of the sensations coursing through me. My heart is hammering in my chest, I'm covered in a sheen of sweat, and my knees are shaking so badly I can barely stand. It is like I'm suffering from lyrium withdrawal, only this drug is so much stronger.

I dive into a bath waiting for me in my bedchamber – still in my nightclothes – and let the scalding water sear away this burning in my veins. I scrub furiously. Get it out. Get the feeling out. I dunk my head under, and the water is like fire. I'm glad for the distraction. I stay under as long as I can before I come up panting for air, and my whole body shakes even despite the scalding bath.

I lean against the edge of the tub and close my eyes. Eventually, my breathing slows and I am in control enough to drag out of my nightclothes and step out of the bath. I leave the clothes floating in the water; the maid will get them when she comes to pick up the bath.

I dress in my armor and head down to the training area.

Maker help the men I will vent my frustration on today.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I am still in the training arena when I hear the ruckus. It is the sound of fighting. I spin and curse, completely forgetting that Alyssa, Duncan, _and_ Asala were still in danger. I try to locate the fight, but it isn't until a man is thrown from an upper window that I know my destination.

The room Alyssa and the children are staying in.

I bolt through the kitchen, up three flights of stairs, and down the hall, bursting into the room and jumping into the fray, fighting tooth and nail with assassins to reach the corner Alyssa is backed in, Duncan clutching a squalling Asala hiding behind the fury of her twin blades.

I slam through the ones surrounding her to give her some breathing room and wield my sword with a vengeance. How dare these filthy mongrels attack guests in my own castle? And not just any guests either, but _my son_ and the woman I'd die for.

My fury matches Alyssa's, and we fly into a battle rage the likes of which Oghren would have been jealous of.

We spin and weave around each other in a timeless dance of gore, and time has done nothing to impede our synchronization. We moved with each other, using one another as weapons and wielding steel and feet and shield like the Darkspawn were howling for us again.

Alyssa knocks one of the assassins to the ground and bends to stab both her blades in his face. One opponent is quietly making his way towards Duncan and Asala. I use Alyssa's back to vault across the room. She lifts, giving me the momentum to shove my blade through the man's heart.

Duncan is splattered with blood as I rip my sword from the corpse and return to the fray. There are fewer of them now, but they still have enough balls to stay and fight it out, even after they step over several of their comrades' bodies to get to their targets.

One man ducks and shoves his shoulder into my gut, and I lose hold of my blade. No matter. I'm slammed into a wall and my breath whooshes between my clenched teeth, but I ignore the burn in my lungs and slam an elbow into his back. I use his surprise to jam my knee into his chin, and then I am pushing him to the floor and swinging with madness until he moves no more.

I pick up my blade and engage another opponent.

Two men flee from Alyssa, but she tosses both her blades and they sink hilt-deep into the men's spines. I lop the head off my opponent, and find Alyssa stalking towards the last assassin. He is cowering in a corner of the room, well away from Duncan and Asala, and is begging for his life. Alyssa does not hesitate to wrap her hands about his head and twists, breaking his neck with a sickening _crunch._

I grab Alyssa by the shoulders and check her for wounds, and she lets me fuss over her before we both turn to the children.

Finding everyone unharmed, I stand and find a horde of my soldiers in the door. I frown.

"You've been there the whole time and you never once thought to help us dispatch these miscreants?" I ask.

"Well, that was the intention, majesty, but when we got here you and the Hero were in a war. You looked like such a right pair of blood-soaked demons we didn't want you confusing _us_ for enemies!"

This blunt answer came from a young boy, maybe sixteen, who I had found stealing in the back alleys of Denerim. His brown eyes were wide and his mouth still hung open from awe.

"Alistair, perhaps we should do something about that wound now."

Alyssa's voice made me turn and she strode over to me with a purpose.

"What wound?" I ask, then I look down and find a blade hilt-deep in my right shoulder.

"Well will you look at that!" I say, gaping at it in astonishment. I hadn't even felt it, though I am certainly feeling it now.

Alyssa hands me a vial of healing potion and says, "On three, one, two, three!"

On three I douse the potion and she pulls the blade free. The potion immediately heals most of the wound, but Alyssa eyes it and says it'll still need to be stitched up.

"Later. Right now we have to do something about Anora."

Alyssa stares into my eyes, and an unspoken conversation passes between us. I nod my consent.

"Let's go."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Anora is in the Great Hall, speaking with citizens about problems in the city. Everyone moves out of the way as Alyssa and I, soaked in blood and gore, storm through the hall.

"This is it, Anora, you are through!" I shout, not caring about the audience. "You have lied and deceived and now you've brought _assassins_ into _my_ castle to kill the Hero of Ferelden herself, and her children! You will pay for your crimes!"

Anora's face turns bright red, and she knows she is caught.

"Alistair, dearest, let's not forget that you were injured in the fight as well. Attempting to kill the king himself is a hanging offense." Alyssa says, loud enough for everyone to hear.

The red in Anora's face drains until she is white as a sheet.

"She was trying to take my place! Trying to be queen by bringing her bastard here to shove in my face that I have no sons! I will not allow it!" Anora shrieks, finally revealing the madness that has consumed her.

"She wanted nothing to do with the throne you selfish bitch!" I roar. "Damn, you only think of yourself!"

"You cannot speak to the queen like that!" she screams.

"You aren't the queen anymore!" I yell back.

She gasps and steps away from me. "What in the Maker's name do you mean by that?"

"I mean I'm divorcing you and you aren't the fucking queen anymore, and I'll talk to you however I wish! Is that clear enough for you?"

Anora drops to her knees in disbelief.

Alyssa puts a hand on my arm to silence me, and I grind my teeth to keep from taking every frustration out that I've ever had on this bitch.

"Anora Mac Tir," Alyssa begins, and Anora's eyes flash disbelievingly at the deliberate use of her maiden name, but more than that is the threat of prophesy come true in the air, "as a Commander of the Grey Wardens, I hear by invoke the Right of Conscription."

Anora screams.


	14. Chapter 14

**Look, I know it's been a long wait and all, but this is the fourth time I've had to write this because the computer hasn't saved it. I apologize ahead of time, but I'm tired of this and I'm kinda just pushing to finish it at the end. My apologies if it's not as up to scratch as the rest of my work. And I have decided the rest of the story will consist of this chapter, one more chapter, and an epilogue per the request of Arialla MacAllister. As always, I hope everyone enjoys!**

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The nobles had been in an uproar over Anora's conscription. The room had exploded in chatter and outrageous protesting when I had my men drag Anora down to the dungeons. I had been trying to figure out what to say when Alyssa hopped up onto the table in the Great Hall and held a hand up for silence.

She had been obeyed immediately. Alyssa was not known for her patience.

Then she had proceeded to explain to the nobles how Anora had failed Ferelden as queen by not trusting her people, of which Alyssa was still a citizen because she had been born here.

One particularly stubborn noble had pointed his finger at Alyssa and accused her of simply wanting revenge on the queen for the attempt on her life. Alyssa had calmly replied that if she wanted revenge, Anora would be dead already.

"By having her join the Grey Wardens, I'm letting her redeem herself while still serving the best interests of the country."

Oh, her voice had been like honey, and she had drawn in all the nobility before they had even realized it. That voice _always_ got anything it wanted.

And just like that, all of Ferelden was perfectly alright with its king divorcing his wife and letting her be conscripted into a life of blood and death.

So here I am now, sitting by the fire in my bedchamber, watching the flames dance as I let my mind wander.

It's some time later when an old but familiar buzzing strikes me in the back of my head and I spring up from my chair and rush down the halls. Alyssa is at my side in a moment, Asala strapped to her back and Duncan trailing behind.

"Andraste's flaming lady-cock, how does anyone miss that?" she asks in a huff, forgetting her language in front of Duncan.

Duncan took it in stride, so he obviously had heard this particular piece at least once.

"I have no idea. There are three other Wardens in the castle, but they're all fresh recruits. I doubt any of them have even seen a Darkspawn!"

"They'll have to do." She tilts her head to listen. "They are in the kitchens."

Our rushed stomping is gathering attention, and before I realize it the Qunari have fallen in line behind us.

"Kadan, what is happening?" Sten asks with a hint of worry in his voice.

"A part of the Deep Roads has fallen through not far from the city and Darkspawn are swarming out of it like ants with their nest disturbed. I'm fetching the other Wardens and we're leaving immediately to head them off before they get out of hand."

Sten barks orders to his men, and they all set in to tightening their armor and straightening their sword belts.

In the kitchen, the three Warden recruits are talking rambunctiously at a table near the fire.

"Get your arses ready and prepare to move out!" Alyssa barks at them. They scramble to gather their equipment and Alyssa turns to me.

She thrusts Asala into my arms and turns to Duncan. She murmurs to him in Antivan and kisses him on the forehead.

Then she looks up at me.

The look in her eyes is unmistakable. She doesn't even have to speak, I already know. My need to go and keep her safe is shaken by her begging me to take care of the children while she is gone. Finally, I manage a weak nod.

She turns and strides away and the Warden recruits stare after her, flabbergasted.

I jerk my chin in her direction. "The Commander does not like to be kept waiting."

That clicks for them and they rush after Alyssa.

A big hand wraps around on of my shoulders, and I look up to find Sten staring after them.

"I will make sure Kadan returns. You watch the children." He rumbles in his deep voice.

I sigh and nod, finally relaxing as someone I trust follows her out the door. I know Sten will bring her back, even if it's from the Void itself.

"Duncan, why don't you go fetch Marian and Gwennyth and we'll all go to the garden."

He nods and runs off.

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Later that night, I'm staring into the fire in my bedchamber with a haunting feeling in my chest. Marian and Gwennyth aren't my children. After noticing how different the girls were from Duncan today in the garden, I had gone down to the dungeons to confront Anora about it.

She hadn't been able to say anything, not even to deny it.

I had wandered the halls the rest of the day, wondering what I could possibly do about the girls. Asala had started crying, and I just knew she was hungry. With her mother away, it was up to me to find a way to feed her.

I probably could have found a wet nurse, but that just didn't feel right. So I had taken her out to the kennels and put her among a newborn litter of Mabari pups and let her drink her fill from the big female who insisted that the child's state of cleanliness was atrocious and proceeded to bathe Asala for several minutes until she was satisfied the pup was clean.

A thump at my window shakes me out of my reverie, and I look up to see a man crawling through my window. I turn back to the fire and say, "If you're here to kill me, can you do it later? I just got the baby to sleep and she howls louder than a Mabari."

Laughter reaches my ears, and a familiar voice says, "Nay, I'm not here to kill you."

I look up and find myself staring at Zevran.

"Come in, have a seat. What's taken you so long? I thought you'd only be a couple of days behind Alyssa."

"I was. But she managed to get on the last ship here for a week. The weather was uncooperative."

I nod. "Yes, that's why they haven't been able to make the trip home. I have a ship waiting to take you all back, but I don't know that you'll be going home to Antiva for a while."

Zevran raises his eyebrow. "And why is that?"

"Because the Commander has recruited my ex-wife into the Grey Wardens. I think Alyssa was waiting on you to show up before she hustled out to Amaranthine for the Joining."

"And just where is my lovely wife now?"

"She's dealing with a Darkspawn problem. A part of the Deep Roads has collapsed and she went to intercept them before they started making Broodmothers."

We both shiver at that memory.

I hand Asala over to her father. He looks confused for a moment, then his eyes widen as he realizes what he's holding. He hugs her close.

Asala is small in my hands, but she fits perfectly into Zevran's arms.

"Red hair?" I hear him mutter to himself.

I laugh and explain, "Alyssa's father had red hair."

I watch in amusement as he visibly relaxes. I see he is tired, so I make the call to send him to bed. I suddenly remember Zevran is near ten years older than I am. He must be tired.

"Duncan is down the hall. You may share his room until it is time for you to leave. Get some rest."

Zevran smiles mischievously at me and leaves.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Two days later, everyone was back from closing the hole and Alyssa was barking orders around the castle as she prepared to get Anora moved to Amaranthine to have Anora partake in the Joining. Zevran was going home to Antiva to collect Verenala and the clan of Mabaris they had been breeding. I sent guards to help him get there and back safely.

Alyssa's plan to reclaim her arling was a surprise, but she had the rights to it. She still had the deed.

The night before their departure, I had gotten Alyssa off alone and begged her to forgive me for what I had done eleven years ago.

She had smiled and said, "I forgave you a long time ago."

I had hugged her, and nearly fainted when I felt her hug me back.

I waved them off the next day, but I was happier this time.

This time I know they'll come back.


	15. Chapter 15

**Well, all my readers, this is it! This is the last chapter. But not to worry, there will be an epilogue as well, but just wow dudes. The last chapter. I hope everyone enjoys!**

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Alyssa took up her arling again, but with some troubles. Apparently, the man who had been ruling for the last ten years didn't like when the rightful owner stormed in and booted him out. Oh, he complained that she had no right to do so, but I made an appearance and showed him the original will of the arling that stated Alyssa was its owner. The argument ended there.

Years pass, almost as fast as I could blink.

I got married again, this time to Bryce Cousland's little spitfire. The girl had survived the raid on her estate and had been disguised as a man in Loghain's army. To this day I still don't know how she pulled it off.

It wasn't long before she gave me four strong sons. I was relieved; I hadn't wanted to ask Duncan to step in.

I kept Marian and Gwennyth with me, despite circumstances. Their mother was not allowed to see them for several years, but eventually Anora's pleas for her children reached me, and I began allowing supervised visits. I might not be their father, but they are still my children.

Duncan married Maria once they were old enough. They have three children of their own.

Alyssa went on to have two more sons and a daughter. The boys were twins, and were as sly and devious as their mother. For some reason they always knew about trouble and yet were never convicted of being involved. Alyssa glowed with pride whenever complaints of them came up.

Her youngest daughter became my wife's handmaiden, and eventually married my third son.

Asala converted to the Qun. Occasionally she visited, but they were rare and far between. Seheron isn't close, and she didn't get many vacations.

Sten became the Arishok, and though there were still tensions between our peoples, there was more peace than ever before. History attests this to me, but I still try to explain to people the Hero of Ferelden's involvement.

More years pass.

I have more grandchildren now, and when I look in the mirror I don't see a baby-faced young man, but an old man weathered by many years. Most of that weathered face is obscured by a thick but well trimmed beard.

I don't realize just how old I've become until the dreams start again.

I am called.

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I stand at the entrance of Orzammar, staring intently at the great doors that are my destination.

I wait patiently in the falling snow, and ignore the pleas of the men and women behind me. I have already chosen my escort for this, and they can do nothing to change my mind.

A presence makes itself known, and the company with me fall silent as they realize they are under the scrutiny of a predator.

I gaze upwards and spot a lone figure at the top of the cliff ahead.

She stood alone, her cloak flapping in the wind wildly. Her hood is up, but several strands of her long hair have fallen loose of it and dance with the snowflakes as well. Her armor is dark, but I see the glint of daggers at her waist.

One of the women under my command draws her weapon.

"Your orders are to stay here." I command, and walk forward to the gates.

She protests behind me, but I ignore her.

Alyssa appears at my side in an instant, allowing me to lead her through the darkened halls of the great Dwarven city. People stare at us, but none try to stop us. We pass by the guards of the entrance to the Deep Roads, and I see that they are the same ones from the fifth blight. They let us pass, knowing our purpose.

Deeper in, at the line between safety and madness, the Legion of the Dead bow to me as I pass. They do not bow for my status as king, but for what I am doing. For what this walk means to me.

We find what we are looking for.

Darkspawn attack us in hoards, but we slay them all. When we grow fatigued, we retreat and rest, taking turns at the watch.

When we break in Ruck's cave, we don't bother with watch. I take a liberty and lay next to Alyssa. She growls at me softly, but it is only a warning to behave. I wrap an arm around her and bury my face in her hair, breathing deep the scents of wilderness that she always carried.

We continue our journey.

A few more fights, and I find myself with a Darkspawn blade protruding from my right shoulder. Alyssa flies into a rage, and kills all threats nearby. She returns to me slowly, and I see her assessing the wound.

I cough painfully.

Alyssa pulls the sword from my chest and I know. It is my time. If she thought she could have healed the wound, she would not have pulled the blade out.

"Any last requests?" she asks me quietly, standing at my ankle as I slowly prop myself up on a rock.

"Two." I wheeze. "I want an elven ceremony."

I see the surprise in her eyes, but her face softens. She nods.

"And the second?" she asks, looking about the cavern to make sure we were still safe.

"Kiss me."

She whips around and her eyes are wide as she stares at me. We hold each other's gaze for the longest time. I can see the conflicted emotions running across her face.

Finally, she steps over me and sits in my lap, facing me.

And then her lips are on mine.

She kissed me like the first time. Like she meant it.

I reach up with my good hand and pull her tighter into my chest, my tongue seeking entrance to her mouth. She allowed it, and we kiss like the night we made love.

When we finally break away, we're both panting. I hadn't known she still felt for me.

She must have seen it on my face.

"Remember what I told you the day you gave me that rose?" she asks, her voice barely louder than a whisper.

My eyes widen at her meaning.

"_Daelish mate for life Alistair. Be prepared for what this means to me."_

"But Zevran-"

"I love Zevran, yes. But you have been my lifemate."

I cough and blood comes out of my mouth. She pulls me to her chest and starts singing an elven lullaby. I rest my cheek on her chest and hear her heartbeat.

I'm so tired.

And she is here, holding me, running her fingers through my hair, pressing her lips to my forehead.

I close my eyes.


	16. Epilogue

**Well, this is the last part of this story. And you can thank Arialla MacAllister for requesting it. As always, enjoy! It's been a pleasure writing for you all and I appreciate all the positive feedback. Thanks for all your time!**

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I watch as the king stares off into the distance. He seems more distant somehow. I know this is where we all come when we are called, but I still do not like it, this waiting for death. I speak to him, trying to get him to reconsider going down into the roads alone. He had half the army standing around, but he refused to take them with him.

He ignores me, and several others who speak. It is as if we are not here.

What he waits for, I have yet to figure out. He is so still the snow is gathering across his shoulders. His Calling has come, and he prepares for a death we all face.

I wonder if it would have been better for me to have joined the Wardens during the Blight, instead of after. Seems a sorry life to wait for your death, instead of making use of your death in an army.

I feel eyes upon me, and I find myself looking around. I glance at the king and see him staring at something at the top of the cliff ahead.

She stands with her arms at her side, long hair playing in the falling snow. The moon illuminates her from behind, and an eerie feeling washes over me.

I pull my sword.

"Your orders are to stay here." The king intones in that deep, gravelly voice of his. I hadn't expected his voice would get that deep. I lost twenty silvers for it.

The king walks away. I call after him, but he doesn't even slow his steps. She appears at his side and I'm startled, although that's her usual style.

They enter the gates of Orzammar without a backwards glance.

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Four days.

Four days the king and the commander have been gone.

I'm worried. Perhaps they have both perished. Perhaps we'll never get our king's body back. I'm just about to go to my officer and demand to storm the Deep Roads when the great gates creak open ominously.

The commander walks out, cradling the king in her arms as if she carried a child. His head is resting gently in the crook of her neck, and his face is hidden, but he does not move. They are both covered in blood.

As she draws near, I see the gaping hole in the king's shoulder, and I realize with a shock that he is gone. My heart stutters, trying to find a rhythm, but it feels as if the ground has dropped out from under me and I'm falling from the sky.

She walks through the army, and they part for her. I hesitate, but in the end I follow after her. I mention something about having the men prepare a pyre, but she denies it.

"His final request was to have an elven ceremony." She explains.

I frown, wondering if she could be lying, but I have never known her to. And the king had been more lenient towards the elves.

So I follow her down the Frostback Mountains and with dread I follow her into the Northern Woods.

I have been in the Deep Roads, and I have been in the Northern Woods, and of these two evils I prefer the Deep Roads. The woods watch me, and they accuse me of not belonging, of not understanding.

The commander, however, the plants reach out to brush against her. The wind whispers softly in her ear, and I hear a nearby pack of wolves howl mournfully.

"Be at ease. They sing the death chant." She explains.

I listen to the woeful cries and suddenly find myself fighting tears. This is ridiculous. I haven't cried in twenty years. Not even when my children had been denied to me.

I don't know what makes the commander choose the spot. It looks like any other. Sun-dappled forest floor covered in a blanket of thick pine needles.

But she gently lays the king down in the roots of a tree, and begins to dig with her bare hands. Rumor has it this was the same way she buried her precious Tamlen.

I keep watch as she digs, and about an hour later the hole is to her liking. She lifts the king and gently curls him into his bed of earth. I watch as she lifts a delicate necklace from around his neck.

I had always wondered why he wore it.

Quickly the commander covers the king in the rich black soil, then starts twisting the little ball at the end of the king's necklace. It opens, and out pops a tiny acorn.

Had the king been planning on this elven burial?

The commander plants the seed in the soil that covers the king, and as she does I see something in the air beside her shift.

The king stood next to her, but he is a transparent shade, a ghost in this realm of flesh.

I gape, but he has eyes only for her, the commander, his one true love.

The ghost of the king smiles softly, and bends to place a gentle kiss on the top of her head. And just like that he is gone.

The commander stands.

"Come, Anora, I will escort you back to the Keep."

I follow along silently.


End file.
